Winter
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: inspired by Tori Amos's song I tell you that I'll always want you near...


When you gonna make up your mind?  
  
When you gonna love you as much as   
  
I do?  
  
**************************  
  
There was a black dress hanging against the locker. Shoes strewn over the couch  
  
in the lounge.   
  
Balloons and flowers. People were laughing, smiling, wherever he turned.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
She seemed off balanced now."Hey, Luka".  
  
"What..?"  
  
"Med school graduation."  
  
"Oh".  
  
"Yeah..." Abby offered akwardly."Glad it's finally over."  
  
Luka smiled."Congratulations, Dr.Lockhart". He turned his back to walk away, taking  
  
a deep breath, and letting it go once he'd made his way outside.  
  
"Yeah..." She bit her bottom lip,"Thanks, Luka".  
  
***********************************  
  
I run off where the drifts get deeper  
  
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown  
  
I hear a voice  
  
You must learn to stand up for yourself  
  
Cause I won't always be around.  
  
***************** *****************  
  
Neela yanked at her hair."You have to sit still if you want me to do this."  
  
Abby chuckled."I need a cigarette, and now I'm thankful I never had a sister..."  
  
"ABBY"  
  
She laughed, hands now in her lap. The lounge was brighter now. They'd added lights  
  
so she could change. She kept getting presents. Old med students telling her they   
  
remebered first being placed her, and how she now is the hospital.  
  
Abby dropped her head.  
  
"Abby!!!"  
  
She snapped her head up to see Neela scolding in the mirror, holding barettes and  
  
bobby pins in her mouth.  
  
One hand went up to the new coif, a smile spread across her face , aiming at Neela.  
  
"Oh,can it." Neela muttered, smirking.  
  
************************************  
  
Hair is gray  
  
and the fires are burning  
  
So many dreams on the shelf  
  
************************************  
  
The thing that surprised her, he was there, resting his weight against  
  
the wall, his hand on his hip. She could picture it, him lightly brushing  
  
away his lab coat. Abby took a deep breath. "This is what I've become...geesh".  
  
Sam laughed."Neela did a good job".  
  
From the admit desk Neela groaned, looked up, and looked away.  
  
"You look nice, Abby" Malik offered, shrugging as he went down the hall.  
  
People were starting to clear. She looked up, after studying the haphazard   
  
layer of blush colored nailpolish on her fingers, the bracelets that didn't  
  
belong to her."My mom...can't make it"  
  
Luka raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Eric...is in Minnestoa."  
  
"I'm sorry, Abby".  
  
She nodded slowly."It's a bit much, all of this, isn't it?"  
  
A slow smile crept over his lips."It's different".  
  
This time she walked away. This time Abby turned the corner and hid herself  
  
back in the lounge. Anything was better than being there right next to him.  
  
An escape.  
  
***************************  
  
When you gonna make your mind?  
  
Cause things are gonna change so fast  
  
All the white horses are still in bed  
  
I tell you that I'll always want you  
  
near....  
  
****************************  
  
The sky had turned gray. She looked, eyes in disbelief."Who has outside graduations  
  
in Chicago?"  
  
The woman next to her started to laugh. Snow had caught in their hair, rested on the  
  
tip of Abby's nose.  
  
"Fuck" Abby muttered, rubbing her arms.  
  
The few people that littered the folding chairs outside already seemed ansy to leave.  
  
She hands shook. Abby watched her breath fog in front of her, and started to itch for  
  
a cigarette.  
  
"Do you...?"  
  
The woman next to her seemed to have taken Abby's earlier cue, and wrapped a man nearby in  
  
a conversation about juvienelle pneumonia treatment. Everything started to feel a little alien.  
  
Abby swallowed hard.  
  
"Dear God, if you're out there..."  
  
************************  
  
Flowers competing for the sun  
  
Years go by  
  
and I'm here, still waiting  
  
with a ring, where some snowman was.  
  
************************  
  
The scarf fell across his neck loosely, like a last minute reminder that he just might  
  
be cold out there, in snow. His jacket rested over his arm, and his shirt was buttoned  
  
crazily, like he had done it in the dark.  
  
But from behind the stage, where Abby and a few other women could peek, they could  
  
see his eyes. Stark, dark, intense against the snow.  
  
"Wow..." one woman muttered.  
  
"I want his number" the other one replied.  
  
Abby bit her lip again, suddenly feeling more nervous than she had ever felt at that  
  
time.  
  
Dark hair into his face, his back resting against a tree, a little off direction from  
  
the chairs.  
  
"Line up, graduates!"  
  
She was the last one to move, watching him.  
  
****************************  
  
When you gonna make up your mind  
  
When you gonna love you as much as I do?  
  
When you gonna make up your mind?  
  
Cause things are going to change so fast..  
  
****************************  
  
"Lobyd, Alicia... Locke, Kevin..."  
  
Deep slow breaths. She knew them. They were the ones she coached the women in  
  
during their labors when she worked as an OB nurse. It was simillar to the breathing  
  
you coached children with, when it was time for ivs.  
  
One hand resting against her chest, she could feel her heart flip flop.  
  
"Lockhart, Abigail..."  
  
First instinct was to run. Or throw up. Someone gave her shoulder a little push,  
  
and she was up over the stairs, walking out in the small group of people too small  
  
to be called a sea.  
  
Dipolma in hand, she looked up, looking for his face.  
  
Luka was grinning, grinning wide. His face shone with the only thing she could imagine  
  
was pride. And tears started to slip down her cheeks. Down the stairs, to grab her coat,  
  
meet him...  
  
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, fingers holding onto her roll of paper  
  
cautiously.  
  
****************************  
  
Things are gonna change so fast....  
  
****************************  
  
"Luka! Luka!" the heavy wool coat flew behind her, a heavy gray wing.  
  
"Luka!" her shoes sunk into the snow. Abby looked around, heart racing deep  
  
in her throat.   
  
She could see the big footsteps leading off of the snow..and disappearing,  
  
like maybe he really wasn't there. Like she had imagined him there, happy  
  
for her.  
  
Abby's arms sunk to her side, and shook her head. A few people called her name,  
  
giving her enough time to shake this.   
  
She looked over her shoulder one more time, before going to join those who  
  
called.  
  
From the car in the parking lot, Luka watched. He watched quietly, tongue feeling  
  
like lead in his mouth. She had smiled. She had completed her goal.  
  
He started his car, and pulled out of the parking lot slowly.  
  
Heading back to County.  
  
***********************  
  
You said I wanted you to be   
  
proud of me  
  
I always wanted that...myself 


End file.
